Stop worrying.

So I have always been a strong believer that I should keep a good relationships and always stay in touch with my family back in Russia. 

I love those guys and all my past is connected to them. I remember writing a dozen of letters to them, sending emails and even sms when I just moved here in U.K. I could not imagine then that my life now will be without seeing them everyday and I will have to start building it all over again. Not everyone may understand what I actually mean unless they been in my situation. I possibly wanted to change a country, but not my friends and people I was close to at that stage. I had to start everything all over. 

I tried to keep in touch, I always was interested in their lives and what was going on there without me. I knew one day nothing would be the same and we will grow apart, but I still believed that maybe it won't happen so quickly. 

I find it sad to know that you have people who once were so close to you and knew everything about you and were your family now they are almost strangers to you. You contact them once a year if your lucky as their timetable so busy that sometimes a few minutes talking to you for them is like a lifetime. They say they will call, they say they will message but you know they won't and you know really they have no interest in your life anymore. They want to stay polite, but they don't care. They will spend an hour or two talking about their children to you and say that their children know you, but really those kids have not got a slightest clue who you really are to them and why their parents even talking to you. 

It is sad that we forget and stop carrying. It is sad that distance can kill something that once was very true and special. 

I can see them blaming me for knowing nothing about their children, but how can I know when I talk to them once or twice a year? 

Maybe I should stop caring as I always do the running, I always have time for them but they never have time for me? I am not sure that sounds very equal to me. 

Yes I am not mother, I have no responsibilities as children yet and I am not concerned looking "busy" to other people. Yes I have a bit more spare time, but just because I don't have a family yet, does not make me childish and free of any responsibilities. Somehow I think it's all about how much we care about someone rather then how much free time we have. We all know when we want we will have time. 

No I am not being childish and selfish here, I am being realistic and I have been feeling like this for a while now. I am glad I am saying it here. I am being open about it. I am finally facing the reality of it all. 

The verdic is that people who will want to be in your life be there no matter what. Others should just be left to their own device. 

It is polite to be polite, but it's also polite to be honest with yourself about certain people in your life. If they stop caring you should stop too.