You are wrong, because I am right....or perhaps not

 

   Sometime you just lose connection, it goes. 

   You are sad, because you felt like you were so close and that person was so special, but then it went. 

   You are trying to talk, but all you do is argue or they seem to completely misread you. 

   You want to help, but it seems like instead of helping them you are pushing them away. 

    One thing is definitely it takes two to tango....if that other person wants to be there on the other side...then leave them be

    If they really are true to you they will come back and they will be honest. 

    One thing I never got or understood is when people start to lie or pretended to be your friend. 

    Why do this? We are not in the movie and no one cares if you were not polite to me on Saturday morning. Why be overly polite to the point it's almost sickly polite? We both know that is not you, we both know it is extremely fake? What is the deal in it? What the hell are you hiding from me? I am sorry but it almost feels like you are faking something.....I am being polite with you because we live in society with high moral standards.....oh come off it, we were friends once now we are just strangers.....

I feel like I don't know you....

    However I will leave that person to be whoever they want to be. Who am I to know what is best? If this is what they think is right then I will wish them only happiness and hope that the path they chosen will only bring them goodness.

 Sad though that in our society people chose to run when it comes to trusting someone. They prefer to hide and deal with the world on their own. Maybe it is best for them. I can not judge again here.

   At the end of the day I will trust you more if you are honest with me then if you chose to ignore me and this is not because I want to be nasty to you, because I chose safety rather then mystery. 

  So I believe friendship comes from trust, trust come from experience.....I guess not all experiences are nice, but I don't think you should judge everyone same and think that everyone out there wants to get you. Again forgiveness and trust should always remain....I think

   It takes two to tango.

   It takes two to be there for each other and feel each other's pain. 

   It takes two to want to be together. 

   If the other one wants to run, let them do it, because they may not be the right person for you and you should let them be free. If they come back and try to talk to you then maybe there is still a hope and they do care, perhaps they were just lost and needed time.

  Unconditional friendships only works then when in any condition you try your hardest to be there for your friend, friend won't ask for it, but you should remember it. If you can't give to our people and chose to be on your own then maybe you should be on your own. Although love is not about loving yourself, real love is about loving and giving to others without a condition :) 

 Anyways those are my thoughts for today....right or wrong who knows, they may change in a space of a week, we grow and we learn. I'm not perfect I am learning to understand world everyday. 

A letter to her....

   One day I looked back and I thought to myself how good that you had happened. 

   One day I looked at my life and I said you took away something I did not need, but thought I needed. 

   One day I remembered your face and I thought why was I so angry at you then you in fact brought so much happiness and wisdom into my life. Why was I ever angry at you? 

   You deserve all my forgiveness, because no matter what will happen in the future as we only live one day at the time I have already realised that he was never my person and he would never make me happy. We are way too different and we would fall apart anyway. 

   Why do we get angry with man who cheat on us, we should thank him for leaving us to someone else who is exactly the right person for us. Why would you want to ever be with a man who is thinking of someone else while he with you? That person is deeply confused in what he wants and you must be happy that he chose to go with someone else. 

   One day I will write that letter and say thank you for taking something I did not need because I never needed it. I don't know what will happen in future but you made me happy because I found myself through sadness and emptiness. I am not scared of being left by myself because I found me and I am very happy with myself. So thank you.  

Messy thoughts

   Sometimes there is me and my emotions. 

   Sometimes I should ignore my head all together. 

   Sometimes I feel like I need to talk to someone much older then me and more experience.

   Will this make a difference though? I don't think so but it feels right somehow. 

   Oh woman we should just stop thinking and do something, in my case draw. 

   Sometimes I just lost and then found in seconds.

   Does any of this make sense, no I don't think so or maybe yes it does 

   Woman we are so different, we are lost, we are so found, we are so artistic

   Woman we need man to calm ourselves down 

   Woman we need man so they can love us for who we are 

   I know what you thinking now....I am drunk and having here a moment 

   No I am not drunk :) 

  

New friend!

Life is brilliant when you meet new people but it is even better when those people stick around to share your life with you! 

I am very happy now as I have met this lovely and adorable girl! She is very open and honest person! Hard to meet people like this these days! 

I consider myself very lucky! 

So if you are feeling lonely, don't be right people will find you or you will find them sooner or later! Life is good like this. 

I know someone will read this and think that at the start we all having honeymoon period and it will go away at the end. Yes I agree things may change in a year, but friendships like any relationships, they require work and compromising. We are all in love with each other and we can still be in love with each other if we work on it. 

All you need is to give without expecting anything back and be there for your friends when they need you the most. Don't play games. Don't mess about with their feelings. Listen to their needs and never be selfish or at least try to listen to yourself and what you are saying to them :) 

Well all can be good friends, but can we be real friends who prepared to open their heart to each other and really invite someone in?! 

Fake friendships won't last long. Time will show eventually who those people are. 

I believe the most important is to always listen to your heart. Your heart will tell you who is honest with you and who is not. 

Good luck with your old and new friendships guys! Hard work is really rewarding! So love your friends as you chose them to be your friends! :) 

Change the world.

Each of us was born with a purpose. Each of us is good at something. We all have dreams and we must follow them. If we see the opportunity use it and make it work. Each of us is brave enough to become someone big and do exactly what we love. Make money but from something we love. Make money but get them from making other people happy. 

My new idea is not crazy. It is idea that has been on my mind for a long time. I want to create cute things, I want to give them character and sell them to children. Watching recent news events I have realised that when I was small world was full of cute little animals that protected me from my nightmares. I knew they would save me. This was the only thing I was scared of. I never had to be scared of being bombed, running low on food and constantly running away. I never had to understand any of that as I had my childhood and as a child I had a right on save and happy life. 

However today we have wars in the world that scary and ugly. Those wars destroys not only childhood that scars kids for life. They remove all run and place it with fears and ugliness. We have to remember that every child that being born in this world has perfect right to their save and happy childhood. No matter what race or nationality that child is. Every child have a right to be happy and to feel save in their own town or city. Unfortunately wars take away this from children and they destroy every child's right. 

I always wanted to do something good. Right now I want to create a toy that can make every child feel secure and save no matter where they are. I know it is only the toy and I can't save the world from wars, it is not in my hands. However what I can do is to give children a hope by creating that toy. 

It is decided this is gonna be my new project and I am gonna work on it damn hard as I wan for it to come true. 

Tomorrow is day one. 

Changes are good for you!

Maybe with not a-very-perfect-background on this selfie of mine, I will still say this girl is happy! One year I was devastated and sad. One year ago I was broken and thought that all my dreams were shattered. This was one year ago. In one year I transformed in fearless and happiest person. I have met people who helped me, made me laugh and were there for me when I needed them! One year ago I did not think that today I will be this positive and happy. So I will say changes are good, we need them and I hope your change won't be as dramatic ,but without changes we are stuck in rutine and life becomes one boring set of scene and forget who we really are. We just have to remember that out of something bad there is always gonna come out something good. It did for me and I am sure it would be for any of you too who is having hard times now. 

Today I am thinking to myself what was it exactly I was crying about a year ago, because whatever it was it did not worth it. We fall in love and fall out of love. We can love again and again and again. Human nature is to servive remember and we will always move on! No one will ever love someone so much that they will love them forever epacially if there is no need in it. For those who thinks that someone is not over them or someone is still in love with them after many years, please snap out of it. We all selfish and strong, we all will stop loving someone who hurt us, we will all move on and be happy again! :) So if you are not over someone yet, maybe this won't help you right now, as only time heels such things, but I have surprise for you - you will be very happy again and you will love again! I am :) 

I don't want to jinx anything and say something silly! All I can say I am happy I am in love again and my heart is pumping big time every time that boy next to me! 

Things will change and you will change. What will change now though is that you won't just love that person blindly you will love yourself as well and you will always consider how you feel and you will know now what is exactly better for you in love or in life in general! 

So I will say if life gives you lemons, soon you will be able to drink plenty of lovely and refreshing lemonade! For your health! Cheers! :) 

A present.

What can you present to a lovely person you know? I have decided to make this capcake and although it is small and possibly not perfect I still think it can add sweetness in their life! So for a birthday I choose something sweet! Also doing this I got massively addicted to sparkles and shine! So I am really excited to make another one for my mum's kitchen! I hope she will like it :) 

Old things come to life

 Here is new old lamp that once was forgotten by everyone in the world...till I found white paint and created this outstanding white beauty!!!! 

Now she is beautiful and she knows it!!!! 

Let's not forget about old things and find use for them in our new life! 

I am gonna call her Poem. I think it suits her! Ready to move into my new flat soon so Poem is coming to live with me too! 

Here is a little tiny Moh-Rabbit

I drew a pic for you of you...

You are as cute as him...

You are as fluffy as him...

You have things in common...

Because you love chocolate 

And he likes carrots...

Although it's equal love, because 

You can't live without chocolate 

And he can't live without carrots...

For you...:)

We are all connected

We are all connected. So next time you think that you are allowed to be in mood with everyone and snap at them or being harsh to someone for no reason. Be aware that you my dictate the day and mood of that person that day. We are all connected so let's use it in a good way. Connection is a beautiful thing and we must cherish it. Just because you had a bad day it's does mean everyone else should to! Stop being selfish and look around :) 

Oily happiness

Ever since I was small I was in love with Kandinsky works and his magical use of colours. Colours were so bright and happy.....everytime I looked at his works I wanted to be somewhere in filed picking flowers and care about nothing just nature, love and having fun. 

I did this painting today and I have never had so much fun. I took brush in my hands and somehow I just went with a flow. My thoughts and worries were just gone into nothingness and I was left with my dreams and my own happy myself. It never felt so good. So now I will be practising olis and may turn into Fominsky one day :) 

Now I am off to bed to plan ideas for my next painting. Sunflowers will get involved. I love those flowers! Magical! Sunny! Yellow!!!! :) 

Happy days!

Happiness is when you fee like a small girl! :)

My person

And so it is I am in love again. I am in love with amazing and kind guy. I am in love and I forgot why I was ever so sad before...I saw him and fell in love and it felt so good...

No I don't want to shout about it and make it obvious to everyone. I don't want to show because this time I can feel it in my heart. I want it to be just between me and him. 

I can not believe how silly we are when we cry over someone for several weeks.... Although I think I am glad that I experience sadness and loss of the person I loved once, because it showed that I cared enough and my feelings towards him was real.

Looking at everything now, all that seems so distance and far away almost like that was not me. Most importantly I have realised how happy I am now that is over. People don't like changes but once we able to see where these changes can bring us we are able to live new life. Thanks for those who help this change to happen to me, because now I know I could never be myself back then.

Once again I am not gonna brag about how happy I am now, I am just gonna say I believed in my happiness and I always believed that this person is out there for me. I will also add that in any given situation we must stay positive and know that we deserve good things happening to us. We should not let others feel sorry for us, as we are strong human beings and we are capable to survive out of any given situation. 

I was there, I felt really bad, I was really low, but with help of my friends and my wonderful mum I knew deep in my heart that one day soon enough I will love again and this time it will be my person and I can build new life with him where I can be real me and I won't be scared of loosing him, because he won't ever want to leave me. 

A present for a friend

So tomorrow I am going to birthday and I decided to draw a picture for my Ukranian friend. I was considering to add something Ukranian...I came up with sunflowers...but I wanted to make one of sunflowers a bit more unreal...and a bit graphical..

Words above actually relate a lot to hers and mine recent events in life...she just needs to go with a flow with whatever happens in her life and just take it and enjoy it! I guess those words were not just for her.....they came out of my heart, because they mean a lot to me right now....

Gonna keep drawing from now on! I love ink pen....magical creation!!!! We are best friends right now!!! 

It's all about cheese...

Here is my attempt to make art in the kitchen! This time I was not drawing, I was just 

mixing, blending and mashing :) Here is my Lime and Lemon cheescake! 

It looks yummy! Let's prey it will taste as good as it looks!!!!! :)

Selfie...

I drew myself...

I drew a child within me...

Child which I want to keep inside me forever and never ever loose it....

I love being childish 

I love being free of age...

I love being me :) 

Dogs

It just funny, because everyone consider me to be cat person and I actually love dogs too. I am practicing to draw Labrador and this is one of my sketches. I need to draw more and more, but I though to share this cutie with you! :)

Don't be perfect be yourself

I don't actually want to be perfectionist, I just want to be me. I want be myself and be happy with who I am. 

I am now in this stage in my life where I realise that you should be happy where you are no matter what you do and what you have not done yet. You should be happy with what you have this minute and be pleased for it. 

I am now in that stage where I don't care what other people think of me, because no one is perfect to judge me and I am not perfect to judge them either. 

If you want to change or want a change in your life then do it, don't brag about or or if you are happy where you are, just be happy and ignore what some people may say. People will try to put you down in your life because they feel that you may be stronger, strong people never try to put down others. Strong people will be just strong and constantly think positively no matter what. Strong people will be happy at this moment in their life and won't regret anything. I want to be strong and I think I am strong. 

Tomorrow I am gonna draw because it makes me so happy that nothing does. I will play with colours and feel strong. I will feel hyper, happy and complete! 

I think we should enjoy time where it is just us and our thoughts. We should treasure that time. For me it is the time when I can create and be part of creative world which I totally in love with!!!   

Detailed details

I hope one day soon I will be able to draw like this. This is stunning and so realistic. I could not believe it was actually drawn with coloured pencils! I just could not believe how detailed and precise this drawing is. 

Good thing is that if I found close up version I can actually see which technique he uses to achieve this affect but seriously I think it's pretty amazing. 

Gonna do more research soon on this type of art work as I need inspiration! It is very inspiring to see other people work to such perfection! :) 

People

So I am sat at work completely bored and those people just came into my mind and I thought...I should draw them...

I guess I drew them because I thought of them. I speak to so many people on phone especially females and somehow I imagine them to be like this. They just pop into my mind and then go with end of the call. Some of them come back but some of them I will proablably never hear again...same like in real life...we meet people on street, talk to them, but never ever meet them again..

So here it is my new doodle drawing...:) I share it with you. 

Elephant and mouse

Recently I have been thinking of idea for some kind of short story about elephant and mouse. 

They both grey and they have one thing in common. One is very big size and another one is very small size. It proablyl didn't sound English at all right now, but who cares, I am Russian...lol 

Anyways I am thinking of story where two completely different animals get on because they always get picked on...one is too big and another is too small....

They are very different but yet they are very similar...

We have a saying in Russia when you can creat big problem out of practically like...like making elephant out of mouse..so I need to come up with connection! 

Working on it now :) may ask people about for extra ideas! 

I love this little man!

This creature makes me most proud cat owner ever! 

Thank you Rio for your existence! 

You make my life fluffy and special! 

You you are indeed my little cat hero! 

I love you! 

Say no to wars

I say no to wars! 

I say no to manuplative politicians and government games! 

We were placed in the world to love and care for each other. 

So please say no to wars! 

Please say yes to love! 

Please say yes to friendship! 

Please say yes to freedom! 

Happy Woman's day!

So all I can say it's 8th of March and happy woman's day to me Yulia :) 

May all my dreams will come true! May I draw forever and ever and may my friends and family will be happy and in good health!! Or and may my cats stinky breath will go away!!! :) love you Rio really!!! 

Woman can do everything because we are smart and beautiful!!! 

Lines that make me happy

It feels like I can't stop smiling and I have constant green on my face! I draw and I love my lines! I love how easy is to draw and play with media! 

I am inspired but this time I am being inspired by my own work and this is magical! Seriously I am getting inspired by my own creations! I can't stop drawing, it's like a drug! Please don't take it away from me. Please let me enjoy it for more and more days! 

All I need is lovely music, candelas, cat Rio and I will create now! No more excursus! Just work because I can and I know it in my heart! 

Thanks to all of those people who believe in me because you give me disere to create more!!! 

Elephant

I was messing about with media and discovered that black pen works magical with pastels!!!! Totally love the effect and had soooo much fun doing it!!! 

I love Safari!!!! I hope one day I will visit you!!!!

I am slowly turning into carrot :)

I have realised that recently I have been eating so much carrots that my skins tone actually become slightly orange....

No it's not like cheap orange it's kind of nice and healthy colour. So I feel like am slowely turning into carrot! 

So yesterday at work at my desk while I was chatting away to my customers I drew this little creature, well my idea of me and I kind of liked it. It's creepy I know but I like it because it can't be normal :) 

So now, I can visually see what I will turn into if I carry own eat so much carrots....I wonder if you eat loads of beetroot do you turn purple? Lol Shall it be my next project? :) 

Creative mess

I totally love this mess! You just want to stuck in and draw all night! This is my goal now draw as much as I can during week and practice my skills! Learn more about myself through my art. I love art! When I draw I live!!!! 

We will prey for media to be destroyed

So I was having a totally lovely morning till I found metro newspaper...

Through all morning I hated being Russian and I wanted for Putin to be erased from this planet Earth...

Then I have posted a few things on Facebook and opened a big debate in regards to who is right and wrong. I didn't actually say that anyone was to be fair. Although I did realise that biggest puppets in all this conspiracy were general public, including myself. Media controls it all. Media tell is there to control our minds and opinios. I always knew this   and that is why by mid day I was not as worried any longer as I knew that so far I am only getting wind up by something that is totally out of my control. I have realised that in this situation people should...no they must avoid TV and media. Media will do everything to make this situation worse. Media is there to create animosity between people as they are being controled by government. 

We are never there and we never know who has stake in it and who is getting what out of these kind of controversial situations. I think we will never know unless we work for government, so far, I think I should just carry on being happy and be proud to be who I am :) media can't control myself as a person and I am happy about it :) I can still live, love. Think and feel :) 

Music that makes me want to fly...

http://youtu.be/SJxXYHQIF40

This is just so beautiful. This music makes me want to fly...achieve unachivable things, cross planets and most importantly it makes me happy and free! 

Amazing tune, check it out if you want to get inspired! :) 

Catfish

Catfish and my opinion...

I think it exist to certain extend. However I feel that you will know if that person on the other end were fake. They will lie to be something they are not. They will pretend to be something they are not. They will fake it till they can make it. Although you will know after first conversation if they real or not. You will know if they capable of holding normal concentration. You will know if they hiding something because you will just feel it.

I know I can trust my instincts. Yes Internet can be dangerouse but it only dangerouse when we can not control it. We can see if that person real or not. 

I don't think it matters where you meet people from Internet or real world.  I think both worlds are equally dangerouse to be fair. 

Call me naive or hopeless romantic but I believe it's possible to meet person in both worlds and be equally happy with them. It dosent really matter :) 

No catfish did not put me off :) so I decided to drew one and I think it looks kind of cute :) 

Drawing is my happy drug!

Learning to draw again...and again and again!!! Little rubbits...forest and trees!!! Recently I am obsessed with trees! Not sure why....but somehow I love it! 

Draw! Draw! Draw! Draw! 

Wood

I love drawing wood...

I feel relaxed and seeing how one line goes into another makes me want to smile. Sometimes I forget that drawing can be so much fun! It really does makes me happy! 

In cat world

Tonight I am in the cat world...

Tonight I let myself be a big child again...paper, pencil, charcoal and many more other creative media around me. I feel happy and complete when my art is around me. I am in my own world and I am happy here. Music is playing and I can feel very inspired. I feel like I can stay in this time now forever. I don't want for this to end...ever! 

Friends

   Friends. How do we know when they for life? 

   We don't know. I guess we know in our heart who is and who is not. People come and people go. 

   However I am thankfull for today and that I have great people in my life. Friends I have to admit my 

   life with you would be dull and grey. Thanks for loving me and taking me just the way I am. 

   Thanks friends. 

I think I am datable :)

Some people say that I am too open about my feelings on Internet. Good. I like it that way. 

So am I datable or not? So I thought to ask people around, do they think I am datable or not? 

Sometimes we want to know what makes other people to be attracted to us? 

Is it our style of clothing, our inner world, our way of looking at things...what exactly is it? 

When do we know we are success? Do we have to be success? What exactly makes me different from others? 

Am I stronger or smarter? Am I prettier then others? Am I weird? Do I stand out? 

Never ending questions. However I would love to know what exactly I need to have to be datable?! Do I have to speak 5 different languages, work in top profession, cook like a pro and dress like a designer? What makes me to be desired by opposite sex? 

Do I have to be all of those above to be desired? Really??? Somehow I think no. Somehow I believe that it really is not just about what you do and what you have achieved, it is about you and only you. If you are happy with who you are right now, people will see it and will love you for who you are. Yes I agree we need to develop and challenge ourselves, but only for ourself. We need to be happy for us, within us, but not for others. We don't need to be challenged by anyone, only our inner voice. We don't owe anything to anyone, but us. 

So my final line will be. We are datable when we are completely happy within us and want to share our happiness with the  world. I am hopeless romantic and you know what I totally love it! 

All by myself

So tomorrow the day that all single people hate and all couples love right? 

Do we really need this one day to tell someone that we love then or should we do this on daily basis? 

Do we really need only one day to care about someone and surprise them? Seriously...this is kind of strange, don't you think? 

So somehow I don't feel that I miss out on something...right? :)

I am Datable

So one...two...free...four......fifty five....we meet people all the time and we connect with people all the time...

My name is Yulia...I am 27 and I consider myself to be outgoing and friendly girl....I creative, but ultra lazy or shall I just say easily distracted by life around me...I am daydreamer and big one...

What do you say on your 1st date? What questions you ask them or you want them to ask you? Can you be open with them and be yourself or shall you dress to impress? What is wrong to do and what is wright to do? 

Don't you ever get bored of people when people turn into numbers...you just don't care anymore. Numbers game can be fun, but only for a short while...after everyone just looks and talks same, don't you agree? 

So you dress to impress, talk to connect and eventually after date number fifty something you just don't care anymore and want to just stay single forever...

So question here shall we date or not? 

For now...well...datable 

Happiness is within in us.

I sometimes wonder as to why people struggle to be alone. Why they want to be surrounded by other people? Is it because they scared of loneliness? It is because they scared of being left alone forever? What are exactly those fears? 

People say that if you are not bored of your own company you will always have loads of friends. We should remember that being on our own is time when we discover who we really are and what we need. I agree with this and understand why we need to be single. Single life is given to us to find our true calling, explore our inner world and to discover what we really need from life. 

We have got to learn to love that person within us and be happy with who we are before we can let someone else into our life. We have got to discover what we want and what is our purpose for being here. 

We have got to accept that being selfish is not a bad thing. You only live once and this is your only chance to get from life only things you desire and craving for. If you want a great a successful job you work towards it to succeed in it, if you want travel the world you work towards it and ask universe to give you it. However whatever you wish for will only be given to you if you will accept yourself for who you really are, will be happy with yourself this moment and will understand that you deserve to be happy as anyone else on this planet. 

Happiness is within us. However we are only happy when we are in agreement with ourselves and we know exactly what we want.

Lessons we learn

I was always curious to find out if I can ever be in open relatinship. I thought that maybe it can work and I know it can work for some people, but dose it work all the time or there is a full stop. 

I have realised that even if you don't think you can fall in love with that person you will still get attached to them, maybe not straight away but you will. Someone will get hurt. It maybe you or it maybe them. 

We think that we can switch off our feelings and be totally mechanical about our feelings, but eventually we realise that we are humans and we can feel. We don't want to be hurt and normally we would not want to hurt others. 

This is my opinion now. This is what I have learned. I am glad I had this lesson as it tought me a lot about myself. I am glad that I can be responsible for my actions and realise that somethings must be learn through experience. I am happy that I met that person and they will stay in my heart. I won't forget them. 

Darkness

Somedays I feel very scared. 

However I choose to not look back and see darkness behind me, because I know there is light in from of me. 

I see light and I follow it, because it will bring me where I need to be.